He Gave Me Cheese and I Ate It

I have recently given up dairy. After many years of overhearing people say that they don't "do dairy" because of the pus, and upon Melina's recommendation to Megan; I gave up milk and cheese. It has been about four weeks now and I really haven't missed it. I must confess that I have been a hardcore cheeser. I ate hunks of sharp cheese for lunch; with crackers or almonds, or cashews, or vanilla cookies, or chips, or pretzels. Yum! I loved milk. Drank gobs of it with chocolate and cakes. I loved mozzarella laden pizza. Oddly, even though I have eaten a lot cheese all of my life it was surprisingly easy to let it go. I have felt amazing. My tongue is less covered in goo. My boobs ache less. I am more energetic and I have lost 10 lbs. As I considered a life with a lot less cheese, I thought when I did have some, it would be special. Goat cheese on rosemary focaccia. It would be savory and extraordinary.

Yesterday, Jay offered me part of his sandwich. He said he would make it how he liked it and I was welcome to half. I was in the middle of a family computer task and when he had the sandwich ready and cut; I jumped up, went into the kitchen and ate the half sandwich while standing. Fairly stuffing this sandwich into my face because I was really anxious to continue with the computer thingie. Eating while distracted.

It was about an hour later that I realized, "He gave me cheese!" There were two slices of white American deli cheese on that sandwich. It was about as unspecial as I could get. Flat, white, greasy slabs of cheese with roast beef, turkey, and ham. I hadn't noticed the cheese because I was in such a hurry. I don't even like beef and turkey deli meat. Why did I eat that?  It was what I was offered. I don't get taken care of very often any more. My parents have been gone 20 and 10 years, respectively. So when Jay offers me something to eat; I usually take it. I am so hungry for someone to take care of me that I don't even think about turning it down. It was only later that I realized I had eaten something I didn't like and that I had specifically shunned. I had eaten it quickly while standing because I was anxious to get back to my task. Totally unmindful.

Now I am not faulting Jay here. He shared his sandwich made the way he liked it. I am grateful that he thought of me. But then I had taken what he offered because I just wasn't thinking. He wasn't offering what I wanted. I just don't have to take what's given me. I can accept the intent without accepting the offering. I can practice gratitude and discernment while honoring what I really want. I'll pass on the cheese.